The Problem

Well, Thursday, Friday, and yesterday were total massive fking fail at work – I was late home from work every single one of those days (not home until 9-ish on Thursday, between 6-7 the other two), and they were major stressors for me. I have a very low frustration tolerance, and I’m not good with idiots or idiotic instructions or instructions which I feel are idiotic. Consequently, when I got home from work, there was nothing I wanted to do less than throw myself into another stressful situation (namely, writing).

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love to write. I’ve been doing it for over a decade and I hope to continue doing it for a good long while. I hope that one day I’ll end up published. But that doesn’t mean writing isn’t stressful, that it isn’t something I have to actually turn my brain on for. And after 12 hours of bullshit, my brain just wants to go to sleep for the night. Because of the stress at work, and because of my own fking laziness (I’m willing to take my fair share of the blame here).

On the mornings where I can convince myself to get up early (like today), I just fking procrastinate like I have all the time in the world to get shit done. Which is funny, really, because I don’t. It’s a real shame that my self doesn’t seem to realize that, and thinks it’s totally cool to play fifty games of Freecell before work, and a couple dozen sudokus.  I’ve always been a procrastinator, I bitch about it every year, but this is the one year where I really can’t afford it.

And sure, yeah. I hit 50k (though if I was calling it quits, I’d want to write another 5k, as that’s how much of my present wordcount is on the first FailStory). I could stop right now and just accept this win for this year. But Competitive Me whispers in my ear, “Yeah, but Kate. Think about it. You do still have several hours a day where you’re just sitting on your ass at home. You really should be writing. And what about those weekends? Are you really telling me that you can’t get some writing done then?”

*sigh*

If I can get anything written, I’ll post another excerpt from the crack story later. The document is open, calling to me…and here I am blogging.

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3 Comments

Filed under NaNoWriMo 2010

3 responses to “The Problem

  1. Bear in mind, even professional writers who have nothing else to do with their day but their writing career strive to only get in 2000 words a day. Some days its easy and some days its downright impossible.

    Right now, you are adapting to a full time career. That is stressful. You aren’t exactly used to working a full time job everyday. Finding the time to do the things you want to do isn’t as easy anymore. Remember, the day job is what pays the bills so you have a place to sit and do your writing. You need to find the groove for your day job before you can insert the real job into your life again.

    Just some advice from a 37yo writer who has a 40hr/wk day job, a son, a wife, and a mortgage. I’ve been doing this a little longer, so I know how to get the time to do what I want to do.

    Take it easy, Kate. This isn’t a race. Too much stress and you may crack from the strain. And that won’t help anyone!

  2. Max

    I’m glad Joseph came forward and said this. For as long as I’ve followed you on NaNo and this blog, you’ve wanted to be a published writer.

    Why not fix your goals so that you’re working on getting published? You’re getting yourself awfully stressed out for something that is, in all terms, a meaningless game. It may get people writing, but it’s supposed to be fun and the goal for the entire month is 50k.

    Who are you competing with, yourself, others, or both? The fact is, it’s not a competition. You can’t win NaNo or beat anyone, especially if you’re pumping out work that isn’t actually getting you towards your writing goals.

    NaNo is making you angry at your job. You wanted to be an adult. Now you are. You have a full time job and have to work over time. Enjoy that you got what you wanted. You have to, anyway, you’re in a year long lease for that apartment.

    I would say that this has gone beyond competition and has lapsed into unhealthy obsession.

    This isn’t what NaNo was meant to be. And you don’t have to live up to whatever name you’ve built for yourself. Those people on your twitter ‘teasing’ you about them being ahead of your, playful or not? Ignore them. They’re also competing in a game that no one’s winning.

  3. Hello? Kate? Have you been swallowed by the para-legal monster?

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