Ignore the fact that I was supposed to hit it on day 3, and that instead I hit it early in the morning of day 7. I’m just pleased that I hit it at all. I know I’m not going to catch up to where I should be for the 500k this weekend; I’m starting to doubt that I’m going to come anywhere close to that sort of number. I guess it depends what work is like and how many mornings I can convince myself to get up at 4am to write (which is not actually that fun, believe it or not). In any case, I’ve hit the milestone and will keep going. I’m still a little depressed at how behind I am, but at least I’m not as behind as I could be.
Oh, you wanted an excerpt from the crack story?
Once I was out of his room, I walked purposefully to Vasily’s office. This time, I didn’t bother to knock on the door.
Elena was in the room. I offered her the courtesy of a smile and said, “Elena, I’m not sure I want you to hear this, so if you could wait outside for ten minutes while I speak to Vasya, I’d appreciate it. I won’t be long. There’s not a lot I need to say.” I wasn’t sure how pleasant or polite my voice came over as, but I didn’t care how attracted to her I had been. There was a young man in a room a short while away who might have been permanently damaged by her husband, and he was my priority.
She nodded, and left without a word.
I turned to Vasily. “You’re a fucking heartless prick, and I have half a mind to kill you here and now. I can’t believe that you managed to brainwash my lover into doing something like this. Do you know what he’s doing right now? He’s lying in bed, because he can’t find it in him to do anything else. He didn’t want me to come here to talk to you because he didn’t want me to leave his side. He doesn’t know what to do with himself. That’s how much he’s fucked-up from what you asked him to do. That’s not going to quickly get better. Do you understand that? Do you understand fucking anything?” I laid both my hands down on his desk and leaned in close to him. “Do you know how close you are to dying right now?”
He didn’t look at all afraid. “You’re a bully,” he said calmly. “Gena took the job of his own free will, knowing what it entailed. He was taught how to shoot a gun and given all the information necessary to carry it out. That you’re not satisfied with it is none of my concern.”
“And you’re an idiot if you think that taking a life is as simple as just deciding to do it. We, as a species, are not wired well to deal with cold-blooded murder. I’ve known men to take their own life after doing it. I’ve known men who descend into addiction because of it. Given Gena’s history, I would be worried about that, if I were you. I’m back to stay, and I’ll keep an eye on him, but I know he will never be the same as the man I left a few months ago. I hold you personally responsible for it. There was a conversation I wanted to have with you about personal boundaries, but it’s going to be a substantially longer one than this, and I cannot afford to leave Gena alone for that long, not right now. He needs me more than I need to be angry with you. So now that I’ve said my piece, I’m going to leave. I’m going to go back to him and stay with him for as long as he needs. You aren’t going to come anywhere near him until I say so, and if you do, I swear I’ll fucking shoot you. You used to have my respect, but I can’t say you do anymore.”
I walked out after that; there wasn’t any need for a response on his part. Elena was waiting in the hallway outside. I’d not shouted at all, so I suspected she’d not heard much of what I’d said. I gave her a smile as I passed by, but I wasn’t going to stop and talk to her; I didn’t have time. I still needed to scrounge Gena and me up some food and get back to him before he started to panic.
There wasn’t a lot in the kitchen; knowing Vasily and Sergey as well as I did, that didn’t really surprise me. But I made a few sandwiches, threw them on a plate, and grabbed a bottle of soda and a bottle of rum – just in case he wanted to get drunk, which I wouldn’t stop – and headed back.
He looked relieved to see me. I closed the door and got on the bed. He cuddled in close to me, his head on my chest; it was clear that he had no interest in eating anything. Soon, I would force him to, but for now, there was nothing I wanted more than for him to just be here, in my arms.