Well, I have no idea where I actually was. I’m useless at keeping charts/graphs, because I’m just lazy and unorganized. I’ll do it for the first couple of days and then it’ll just go flying out the window. Sorta like my schedule… (*sigh*)
In any case, I know that at this point last year I was definitely not even at 700k, and probably closer to 650k. So it’s awesome to see that I’m doing so much better this year than I did last year. Part of me wants to say “okay, Kate, that’s good enough. Just try your hardest the rest of the month, and if you don’t make the mill, that’s cool”.
Except I’m hypercompetitive at all the (very, very few) things that I’m good at. I made myself a promise at the beginning of the month that I’d get to the million. My mother knows I’m trying for the million (admittedly, she thinks I’m nuts, but that’s what moms are for). I’ve got the damn outlines to get to the million. And I could get a hundred and one comments about how I’d still be an incredible winner for getting 800 or 850 or 900 or whatever, but it still won’t feel good enough for me. And if that’s egotistical, well and good. So it goes.
By no means am I giving up. I’m sitting here now wishing my bed goodnight. My days are herefore dividing into 8 hour blocks, during each of which I will get 15k (except the one immediately following midnight tonight, where I’ll get 20k). That’s the new goal, and it leaves plenty of leeway for day 30 (as I’ll only have to write 15k then). I can feel the pressure of the days weighing down on me. For anyone who thinks otherwise, this is not easy for me. I don’t physically hurt anywhere (nope, my hands are well and good and that’s in all honesty), but the psychological/mental strain of this is incredible, and my own sense of drive and purpose makes me bear down harder on myself, creating one of those nasty feedback loops.
In more pleasant news, the dystopia is going well. As I posted elsewhere, the dictator has just been kidnapped right under the nose of the group who were trying to kidnap him first, while three people scheme for leadership of the country, the dictator’s son goes on a mission to legalize all narcotics, a serial killer film star tries to figure out how he kills them and doesn’t know that he will become invaluably useful to the pair of people ( a woman and a foreign ambassador from a far-off land) who are trying to understand why they’re being hunted and what that has to do with the fact that they’ve been smuggling brilliant kids out of the country so that their potential isn’t stunted by the despotism of the country, and a journalist who has already been jailed once for speaking his mind goes over the fence to the area where the non-citizens are kept, which will blow the whole country apart.