Monthly Archives: April 2009

Papers and bread and the upcoming dread

By Thursday, I need a coherent 8-ish page paper. By Saturday/Sunday, I need a second coherent 8-ish paper. On totally different subjects, so none of the research I use for one can feasibly used for the other, which is a pain. Plus I have to make 10-15 minute presentation on the first paper next Tuesday, and a presentation of similar length on the second next Wednesday. The next week is going to be grueling, but I can handle it. What makes it worse is the Russian I’ve got to do as well, which takes horrendous amounts of time, but really does need to be done just as much as the papers do. Fortunately, my fourth class only has a final on the 4th, so it’s happily taking the backburner at least until next Wednesday. Oh, and did I mention that those two papers up there will need to be expanded to 20-25 page papers for May 6th and May 12th respectively.  But at 4:30 on May 12th, I will finally be done. I don’t know what I’ll do with myself.

I learned how to make bread last night. As with everything you do the first time, I did a couple of minorly stupid things. I don’t think it actually affected the finished product, but I’ll know what to do differently next time. I’m also starting to think about what kinds of things I can cook when I go back to live at home (*sigh*) which I will actually enjoy more, because I’ve got a far less stringent budget to work with there. Money’s always really damn tight here.

And in just under a month, I will be a college graduate. I will have finished at least the first part of my higher education (I don’t know if I’ll be going any further, that depends on a ton of other variables). But at the very least, it will be the close of another highly significant chapter of my life, and I don’t quite know how I feel about that. It was easy to think when I was a freshman that this would more or less last forever, or at least that I still had a long time to go. Now I don’t. Maybe sometime soon I’ll make some reflections about the past four years, but not now. I’ll wait until I actually have the diploma in my hand before I do anything like that. Not that I don’t think I’m going to graduate. At this point, I’m 99.9% sure I am, having gone and met all the requisite people, so unless I’ve missed something ridiculously crucial, we’re good on that front.

Writing has been put on hold for a while. If I’m busy writing two papers, I can’t really focus too much on that. There’ll be plenty of time for it this summer when I am sitting at home trying to find a job. On the other hand, I entered the Knight Agency contest and I’ll find out if I won by the first of May, which on one hand would be *hugely* thrilling, but on the other, it’s right in the middle of when I’m doing a zillion other things and I know that my priorities are skewed in the direction of the writing over the papers. But let’s face it. What are the odds of winning? I’m not going to cross my fingers.

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Mystery magic goal: day 1. Or something. Query: Do I have the willpower?

Only time will tell.

*sigh*

It’s so easy to fall out of love with yourself. So easy to think it can’t possibly happen to you. Which is actually stupider in my case than it would be for a healthy percentage of people. I need to get ‘this doesn’t make you a bad person’ tattooed on the inside of my eyelids.

Okay, those five minutes of typing are all the self-pity I get. On this topic at least. Self-pity fixes nothing.

What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. And best to shed bad habits before I go and do difficult things, like have a real life.

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I’m going to graduate?!?!

So, despite the fact that I am set to graduate in about six weeks, I had yet to see the department of my major (political science) to talk to someone to actually determine if I COULD graduate. Yes, I’m lazy and a procrastinator. Which part of that is supposed to surprise anyone who actually knows me? Oh, sure, I’m good at getting things in on time under time pressure (see below regarding my paper proposal that I was allowed an extension for but worked my ass off to get in on time), but when it comes to things like this, I tend to put them off for a number of reasons. Good news, though: I *can* actually graduate, but what the woman actually said was that I was good to graduate as far as my major was concerned, but that she couldn’t say anything about whether I’d finished adequately all my gen eds, and advised me to make an appointment with the College Advising staff to check up on that. I trudged out, made an appointment for later that day (I’m a tad obsessional when it gets down to it, so I figured the sooner the better), and spent half an hour waiting for an appointment that took roughly a minute and a half to say that yes, I was going to graduate. So, all good news!

I think I’m finally starting to come to terms with the fact that I’m graduating. In just two short months, I will no longer have this apartment. Most likely, given how the job hunt is going, I’ll be back at home with the family, as much as I don’t really like the idea. But I can’t really justify them paying for an apartment when there is a perfectly good bed sitting at home. Just makes the job hunt that more urgent. No luck on that front, but I persist.

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